It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
