pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
