eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
