The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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