take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize