i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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