Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
