Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
