you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
