We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
