you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
