i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
