Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
