It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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