Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
