i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
