i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
