I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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