is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
