google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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