her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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