Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
