yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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