Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
