the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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