First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
