i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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