I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
