Ambien. No doubt about it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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