hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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