I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
