Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
