I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
