Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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