I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
