we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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