Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
