just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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