So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
