I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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