I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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