You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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