I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
