Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
