so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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