hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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