I skipped work to stalk him.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
