Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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