Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
