She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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