she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
