All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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