R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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