He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
