I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
