Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
