Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
