yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
