so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
