that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
be right there i have to get my cape
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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