at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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