sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
