I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
