My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
