dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
