Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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