MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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