Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
