this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
