I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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