I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
